I woke up late today. ^^ Woke up and rolled around on the bed with my beloved pillow. ^^ After brushing my teeth I watch a few episodes of Nabari no Ou, sipping coffee, hugging the pillow. ^^
I wanted to blog the minute I woke up but something seems to be wrong with blogger these few days. Sometimes the webpage is not available when I want to blog and I had to wait. Today seems to be a very quiet and slow day. I plan to loaf around, relaxing myself, and then maybe start work later. Maybe. XP
So.. For the moment everything seems to be fine today.. I was afraid that I'd feel unhappy again over whatever so I tried to think of something - for example doll up myself? But I didn't actually do that too lah.. Sometimes I find that putting more effort in dressing up myself can light up my day a little. It's like you know, some self confidence boosting? ><
Today's the first time I wore my new baju kurung. I wanted to camwhore a little bit coz I really like the light blue colour. And somehow I think I look a little fairer in it. XD Anyway back to the topic I didn't, coz I'm totally not in the right condition for photos. Not only my eyes are like so panda'ish, they don't smile anymore.. Sheesh I know that sentence sound kinda illogical. ==
Class ended too early today. Yes, TOO early. I used to look forward to classes that end early coz I know I'll most probably go out after that. But things have changed a little bit now.. I'm not going out everytime class ends earlier.. Only sometimes. I wanna go for badminton but I always don't get to. I don't have mood for animes for the moment so I buried myself in homework.. I started to get a little more hardworking and busy.. But then free times like this.. I get bored seriously. I feel guilty for sleeping too much and resting too long. EFF THIS.
Dear and I planned to go out tomorrow, since it's Thaipusam - public holiday - no class. But then if we go out tomorrow it'll be like too crowded.. So this week's date is brought forward. I know tomorrow will be effing boring but I'll deal with it somehow lah.. Maybe reading, watching anime, homework, blogging.. No studying I think. == I was hoping that I can play badminton tomorrow but I doubt so..
Well, I'll find a way tomorrow I guess. Hope everything goes well for our date today. =)
I finally really understand why some of my classmates who live far away from Ipoh miss home so much.. After the two suffering weeks here, I finally spent a fabulously cozy weekend at home. Happy moments always fly fast, and I'm already back in Ipoh so soon..
I'm just so contradicting.. In penang I miss him so much.. In Ipoh I hate myself many times for making things look so bad.. Maybe it's because I'm just a girl.. Like another common girls, I tend to think a lot and maybe that's why problems occur more frequently lately.. More than ever..
The stress has decreased by maybe ten percent or so.. But the panic came back to me tonight.. The insecure feeling.. The lost feeling.. It's like my goodness, no one knows what will happen at the very next second.. I'm catching up with my hmwk a little bit.. I'm trying my best not to repeat the mistake I did last year, which brought us misery..
I miss my positivity.. I'm trying really hard to get back my tempo.. I'm really really trying..
Fear groped my heart even harder than before.. Why must it follow me all the time.. As if it has no other places to head to.. Today's just another day overwhelmed with insecurity.. I wandered around the admin block aimlessly.. I held on through lectures nervously today.. Lectures suddenly ended earlier today.. I had the whole evening free and I felt so wtf.. Planned to have badminton so at least I could get things out of my mind but eff it rained.. Dinner was cancelled at the last minute but fortunately I managed to eat out though it's not rice.. I would've broken down anytime.. I can't see clearly what am I supposed to do other than completing my parts for the presentations and also preparing for tutorials and ISL's and whatever that's needed for lectures.. I feel so exhausted.. I don't know what should I look forward to now.. I give myself hope every single day and I face disappointment almost everyday too.. And eff my chest pain is back to torment me.. My aunt, too, obviously no sense of timing too, to come at this time of all.. I feel freaking stressed.. IT EVEN HURTS TO BREATHE CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT. Eventhough I can most probably go out with him on thursday but I just.. I don't know.. I mean like.. There might be just another effing surprise and POOF, here we go again..
I just want a good rest.. Just a day without worries and disappointment.. Please?
So I guess feeling terrible last night was kind of like a sign to the unhappiness I felt today..? Never did I dislike being alone here at all.. I'm beginning to feel very unfamiliar with this place, with this place, with this campus, with Ipoh.. I'm beginning to dislike being here.. Eventhough there are some friends who I can talk to are here.. Eventhough he is here.. Eventhough I'm just a worm at home.. Eventhough I almost don't meet up with any friends in penang.. Eventhough I feel lonely when I've got no one to talk to in penang.. But life's always been lonely when I can't feel anything from anyone.. I managed to finish last week's homework yesterday, and I've received today's homework.. At least homework's the worst puppet string now.. And obviously I'm the puppet.. It's my last education phase here, and it's also my future career.. I like the job, so I won't leave.. It's just that it doesn't feel that home-like here anymore.. He said maybe I'm still not used to things yet.. I hope so too.. I do hope things change fast.. I feel so insecure everyday now.. It's like everyday's full of uncertainties.. Why is everyone adapting to things so easily and I seem to be the only one being the whining brat here.. I need my effing routine back in my life.. I lost the routine.. I used to enjoy campus life and why can't I now.. I want that happiness back.. I want to enjoy life as how I did.. I feel so trapped now.. I look forward to going out every week.. It used to be that way too, once a week, for last year.. And I was okay with it.. So that shouldn't be the problem.. It's just this stupid feeling that's been troubling me eversince I got here last week.. I hate it here now.. I want to go home.. I feel so lost..
I MANAGED TO NOT DELAY THEM TILL THE NEXT WEEK YESHHH.
Now clearing out the rubbish from my files and refilling my fullscape papers.. Sigh, tomorrow's lectures are just... boring? T^T Falsafah Pendidikan is just like another history subject.. Perkembangan Kanak-kanak is.. okay lah. >< Tamadun Islam is... WALAO THE ONE THAT I DIDN'T EXPECT TO COME BACK AND TORMENT ME AGAINNNNNN. Sheesh tomorrow's my first class.. T^T
I still get panicky once in a while.. I don't know why.. And sorry for the unorganized post.. Coz I'm erm... unorganised now? ==
It's sunny !!! And cold. XD This is just my favourite weather. I like it to be bright and dry, and at the same time cooling. ^^ I rolled around on my bed again this morning before I folded my blanket and went to brush my teeth. I love waking up in the morning without worrying about anything. Although there ARE things to worry about, I just try my best to think on the bright side. I emo sometimes, but when I can, I try not to. I guess the emo times are just once in a while? =)
I'm trying to update my blog as much as possible when I have the time. To practise writing, to express my feelings, and also to try to increase the pageviews? XD I still blog for interest. It's just that Nuffnang works some sort like an encouragement, making me blog more. =)
Must complete my two reflections today as well as my part for the presentation. ;D
I don't know whether it's the cold weather or what but sheesh, I've been feeling sleepy for the whole day. (@_@) I tried to work on my presentation but I almost dozed off for so many times. I've already finished another few episodes of Nabari no Ou and I'm still sleepy. I've managed to pull myself together to start off the presentation but I'm still sleepy. I had a two-hour nap but I still feel sleepy. I'm damn damn damn damn sleepy and unmotivated! ARGHHHHH.
It's getting colder and colder in Ipoh. I shivered like dunno what when I had my bathe last night. Imagine your knees shaking terribly when you stand underneath the shower. Sooyin and I even slept under the fan speed 2 last night. I always sleep well when it's cool though. =)
Maybe I'm used to waking up early already, so I automatically woke up around 8am this morning. I was shocked but reluctant to get up so early, so I went back to bed again. XD However I woke up at 9am again. Orz. Repeated the same thing, and I manage to sleep for another hour. Still the lazy me. XD
After hanging up the clothes in the room, I watched a few episodes of Nabari no Ou. Reason 1, I wanna watch. Reason 2, I wanna empty out more space in lappy. Not a bad one, it's another anime I might wanna share when I finish it. ;)
The campus started to block the websites again. I tried to surf for the materials for my Falsafah Pendidikan presentation but I can't get access to half of the information because the sites are blocked. Orz. Scribd is one good and convenient and I don't understand at all why are they blocking it. Blocking forums is still acceptable, there might be virus and it slows down the server. But then I just feel so damn stuck whenever I can't get the information when it's already at the tips of my fingers! Ish. ==
Went out for 11 hours today with Chia and Wendy. It's been quite a while since I went out with my friends for so many hours. XP Although I'm very very tired after that, I think it's a pretty nice day. =) We shopped (though I didn't buy anything XD) and chatted. We even went for four and a half hours of karaoke OMG. We tried to keep the spending lower due to my financial problems. However I guess it's a little bit hard coz it's Ipoh Parade we're talking about.. Food is not very cheap. >< Good thing I managed to not exceed my budget limit. =) Somehow it's cheaper to eat at Jusco, I don't know why too. ><
That's how I end my first week of degree I guess. I'm staying back in Ipoh this weekend, will try to complete as many homework as I can within these two days. Dear went home so no weekend dates this time. XP Degree is just.. weird. You have less classes, but more tutorials and homework. I feel so lazy to blog about them.. I'm sleepy. @@
Sorry for the lazy update hehehe. Will try to talk more tomorrow hee. ><
Had my first Pengurusan Gerko for today. DEWAN KELEDANG AT PULAKO WITH AIRCON IS JUST SO NICE. It's not very cold, but I like it when I don't sweat so much during classes. I can't really concentrate when I feel dizzy with the heat. ><
Next, Falsafah Pendidikan. I received my first tutorial presentation of this subject. Planned to surf for materials when I'm back from my date but I'm too tired.. Must work on it tomorrow. I wanna finish it by this weekend.
I finally did my first presentation of the semester. Math in BM is still weird. Sigh. And the funny thing is, we prepared to elaborate on our points a lot (we were even prepared to draw some simple illustrations), and in the end the lecturer did all the explanations. XP Glad it ended smoothly, and I think the two new classmates are not bad. ;)
Finally a date out with dear today. It was a simple yet great one. I'm glad, and relieved. <3
Finally my first day in class. Math in BM is suffering.. I feel like a person who has mental and communication problems.. And our math lecturers don't have BM math notes ready yet, so for one of the lecturers, I struggled like crazy. Imagine reading from English powerpoint slides, you have to jot down notes in BM. And for god's sake I didn't even know that radius = jejari, circumference = lilitan, diameter = garisan pusat, cross section = keratan rentas, acute angle = sudut tirus, obtuse angle = sudut cakah, median = penengah, etc. @@ I haven't used my brains for so many weeks/months but I'm glad I finally use them a great deal today. Although it's a bit tiring, that is somehow one of the small little things that made my day. :) And regarding the other happy little secret.. I'll keep it for myself. :P
After the talk last night, I thought for a lot. And I made some reflections too. There are just some facts that I have to accept, although I don't like the sound of them. Things are like that in life don't you agree? We fall and we learn. :)
I gave myself a break tonight. I tried to get back the feeling, where I loaf online quietly, and enjoy the night to myself. I chatted with mum, yongyong, and a good friend. I felt better, and we shared some thoughts too. It's always nice to discuss something with a friend you trust, and then learn things from different points of view. Maybe I shouldn't take things to the extreme, I should just try to face things as neutrally as I can, so that I can have a piece of clear mind and look at things at a better and more calm aspect. That's how I felt for tonight though, and I'm not even sure whether I can maintain this from tomorrow onwards..
I can't believe my eyes.. My heart aches.. I'm still alone in this empty room eventhough I have the internet and my handphones.. I thought at least I can have someone to talk to.. I don't know what to say anymore.. I'm heartbroken.
I suffered from insomnia last night! When my alarm rang at 6.30pm this morning I was like WHO THE HELL IS CALLING ME AT A TIME LIKE THIS. Looked at my phone, oh it's my alarm..
Wait, WHAT ALARM?!
So yea, I didn't know that it's already in the morning. @@
Reluctantly I woke up, went to brush my teeth, had breakfast. Today's the first time I brought along a big umbrella to class. It's not exactly class today, it's the assembly. Anyways yea big umbrella, heavy rain, new umbrella. So try loh. XD
Assembly. MANY RUBBISH TALK. These are just my personal opinions and I'm not sure whether you'll agree or not but I'll still carry on I'm sorry. Below are my personal 听后感.
1) You fail as a teacher, if you're gay.
2) You fail as a teacher, if you have a bf/gf.
3) You fail as a teacher, if you're a pondan.
4) You fail as a teacher, if you keep feeling the tension of studying.
5) You fail as a teacher, if you keep falling sick.
6) You fail as a teacher, if you have asthma or kencing manis.
7) You fail as a teacher, if you don't bathe early in the morning.
7) You MUST BELIEVE THE EXISTENCE OF GHOSTS.
Well, pun intended, obviously. XP
We're starting our BIG phases this semester. OH I DIDN'T MENTION THAT I'VE MADE IT INTO MY DEGREE. XD This semester we'll most probably head to Pangkor Island for a 4D3N camp. There'll be tonnes of activities to build up our teacher-character thingey. It'll definitely be tiring, but I know we'll benefit a lot from it. =)
The talks were... Hypnotizing. My eyelids were like so heavy but I just had to keep my eyes open and even try to pay attention to what they were saying. Just in case I missed out anything. -shrug-
The weather's still damn cold here.. Sooyin's like, wrapped around in her blanket, wearing her jacket, and hugging her pillow. A fantastically comfy position for movie watching. XP I forgot to bring my jacket so I'll have to bear with the weather till I get home this weekend. At least it's not scorching hot like how it was in Penang sometimes. Penang's hot, but I still miss there..
I've got my results, only the CGPA though, not in details yet. My results have dropped again. Wonder what my parents have to say about it, having it getting worse sem by sem. Luckily I'm already made it into my degree. If not I'd be more worried. ><
You know what, I finally washed my clothes with my own hands this semester!!! XD I haven't done that for two semesters already. Wow that's long. I've been so lazy. I thought of washing them on my own and not with the washing machine coz I needed something to divert my attention.. Was feeling a little bit moody and insecure.. Things got better a little bit now. Still feel a little bit weird so I thought maybe blogging might help a little bit.. I might read for a little while later, to make the day more occupied. :)
YESHHHHH. I've finally finished my holiday homework! XD Just as what I expected, I couldn't finish reading three books PLUS writing out the respective book reports in time. I spent quite a few hours just writing a short passage of 1++ page. Anyways, I finished my homework! =D
OH YEAH BABEY !!! =D
I'll read for a while before I sleep. ;)
Have to wake up early around 6.30am tomorrow.
Semua warga IPIP have to attend some silly orientation I guess. XP
I woke up around nine something in the morning but I rolled on the bed again till 10.30am. XP The weather in Ipoh is really cooling, probably coz I haven't stood or walk in the hot sun yet hahaha. My flu's so much better. A nice sleep always cures flu. Remember that. :)
I was thinking, did somebody clean our room fan? Coz the wind is like, so strong! And I've always wanted to clean it coz the room was getting very very hot. Now I can actually pull off with number three. XD I've made my bed. (Hope this effort lasts long) My table is still neat. XD
I wanted to start off 2011 on bloggy with my new year resolutions but I got stuck my book reports' homework. You know what, I'm planning to pull it off with a passage on my work experience. I've only finished reading ONE book. How am I supposed to finish two books and three reports in a day?! Okay actually I can, but I still have a birthday present (insert wink) to prepare, I plan to help my roommate in moving her stuff up here later (our room's on the third floor), and I'm having dinner with dear this evening. ;)
I felt touched when I saw dear's message of encouragement last night. Yea I'm still a little teeny weeny bit of freaked out by 2011's uncertainties (of studies and of relationships). I need courage and self confidence to get myself ready. Class starts tomorrow and I hope I'll be fine. =) I'll be seeing my classmates soon. ^^
After blogging and breakfast, I'll start off with homework. ;)
P/s: OMG chiew ting hasn't returned me my kettle. T^T
Just a simple update. I'm now back in Ipoh, in my hostel room, and it's in a spic and span condition! It's very neat when compared to the last semester. XD I have less books on my table, and I have a year planner on my study desk. ^^
I'm a little bit tired. It's raining heavily here, and very cold, and I think I've got flu. Will update more later. *sneezes*