29 July, 2010


I've been thinking a lot these days.. Sometimes alone, sometimes not. After getting so used to him beside me, sometimes it is hard to think about stuff alone. Just sometimes though. Coz I kept repeating to myself, that sometimes being alone is necessary. No one stays beside you forever, even your family. People around you come and go. Guess that's why being independent is so important..

Missing the people I care can be so hard at times.. My family, SOBA and him. But sometimes when they're not around me, I just have to cope with this empty room (roommate went out), lappy, and my pillows, or books and novels that I've brought along here. I'm missing everyone terribly..

I went online again, and this time I stayed for a longer period, but the result is still the same.. Dont wanna wait anymore.. It's not like I'm not gonna talk to him later.. To think on the bright side, this is the chance for me to learn how to be alone again. Physically though. I must trust that I'm not THAT totally alone. ><

Gonna discuss with groupmates regarding the mock meeting we're gonna re-present again next week. 9.30pm at ShinLin's room. I'd better get ready my minutes..

27 July, 2010

Not Used to This

I hate it when I have financial problems..
I can't even get a book I want..
I have to stop myself from going out with friends..
I have to stop myself from so many these and those..
And now even my phones' credit..

With a little hope, I went online.
But at expected, all I felt was disappointment..
This is no one's fault, I should get used to times like this actually..

It's been so long since I last spent hours without his news..
I'm just so not used to it..

10 July, 2010

Getting Rid of the Emo

Breathe in.. Breathe out.. Breathe in.. Breathe out..

Okay, I should stop whining not matter what it is about now. I have a BIK dialogue to write, and two more chinese presentations to prepare. I seriously should start working now.. I used to work like crazy whenever I want to numb myself from all the unhappy or emo thoughts. So why not do it again now right? 

Now, to start off, BIK dialogue.
Here I come.


I feel very very very very unhappy now. But I dont know how to say. I dont know what to do. Especially when everyone's busy doing their own work, I should be doing my work too now. But.. I dont know.. Guess I should stop whining and start doing my work now. I even had this sudden idiotic idea to lock myself in the room whole day today. Contradictorily I want to go out so badly with him.. I feel so stupid. My milo has turned cold and I haven't even had a sip of it.

Work lah work lah.
Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.

I'm giving myself a last chance.
I wont ever ask again if it's a negative..

05 July, 2010


A doesn't like to hear news of B from C, and not from B.


02 July, 2010

Letting Out

The weekly assembly is cancelled due to the rain. Plus, the hall is too small for every one of us to get in. Got back to the room after buying brunch from the canteen. I'm now sitting in the room with nothing better to do other than sleeping and blogging. Currently at Kekkaishi's epi 40, but I dont really have to mood to carry on with it..

I was so looking forward to going out with him actually. Not really the timetable's problem that's stopping me from going out now. More of other factors I guess.. Transport has always been a problem, especially when you cant find someone to share the taxi with you. But seriously, I dont think that's an issue anymore. I dont know what I'm saying. Ignore me..

Aunt left, but why hasn't all the moody feelings left with her? I still feel tired, I feel like lazing and loafing around whole day, doing nothing in the room. I even lost my appetite. I can actually skip meals now.. It's been days eversince tuesday and I'm still very very tired.. I feel like crying out more than anything else.

Finally, the end of the junior's orientation week. Wonder if the juniors have better discipline when compared to the beginning of the week. I can see many seniors and coursemates from the same batch complaining about how rude and impolite they are.. Come to think of it, I think our seniors complained the same way about us too when it was us. We all went through the same thing I guess. I'm trying to not complain about them too much, except for some really problematic ones. ==

Something happened to a good friend and I feel even more like a failure when I couldn't even offer the least comfort. I've always been bad at talking so all I could to was to listen. And apparently that is not good enough at all.. I don't know what I can do for her to make her feel better..

I wasn't in a very good mood last night. I felt so confused so I asked to talk on the phone for a while. On the phone, my tone was kind frustrated. Frustrated enough for me to kill myself. I should have calmed down before talking or doing anything. Or I should have tucked myself in bed immediately and perhaps I could talk in a better way the next morning.. I didn't think twice, or thrice before making decisions. I might have influenced others around me.. I didn't want to talk that way.. 

I'm heading back to Penang this afternoon after class. I do hope that I'll feel better after this weekend. I don't want this mood to influence my work and studies next week. I can't afford to lose anything more now.. I can't take it anymore.. 

I must not cry. One thing I'm glad of myself, I've not shed a tear eversince the first day of my new semester. Crying isn't going to help or make things better. What for? Sleeping is even more effective seriously..

Class starts at 11.30am. I have more than an hour to sleep myself out of this mood now.. =)