Shit Again

No one to talk to about what I feel now.. It's always like this.. I always have to deal it on my own.. And deepen my old wounds..

禁忌

雨越下越大

浪潮愈来愈汹涌

避风港 也似乎起雾了

岸上的那个房子  我快看不见了

就算看得见  那又怎样

模模糊糊的

不安

为了岸上  我冒险了

我碰触了那个禁忌

现在的恐惧感

我相信  只是一种惩戒

亦或是  惩罚的开始

是  

我终于卷入那漩涡了

也许现在  还只是个开始

我不知道

有点..
两边都不到岸的感觉

下一步.. 我该怎么走呢..

Blog Challenge - Day 10

DAY TEN - 6 THINGS I'LL NEVER DO

1. I will NEVER join competitions like Fear Factor. I just can't make myself eat those disgusting insects to get the one million dollars.

2. I will never back stab my friends. Hahahaha but forgive me for funny and harmless gossips. XD

3. I will never stop taking meat for the purpose of losing weight. One reason is that I really really love to eat meat, and the second reason is that I didn't really like vegetables in the first place, so I only take a few kinds now. ><

4. I will never use vulgar to scold the people I love. Dear, family and friends. I use foul words here at bloggy though. Just to let go of the anger and fear. But I don't mean to scold anyone. It's just for letting out. 

5. I will never let go of my beloved ones easily. When I know it's worth it, I will not loosen my grasp.

6. I will never throw my pillow away. For the pleasure of imagining and satisfaction. XD

Blog Challenge - Day 9

DAY NINE - 7 THINGS I WANT TO DO

Couldn't continue as I headed to Bukit Mertajam with my family yesterday. Something's wrong with our car again.. But I'm glad mum cheered up a little bit when we had a mini steamboat. =)

1. I want to increase the amount of my savings. I realise that money can be so important when something emergency happens. It's just that sometimes unwanted things will come in the way..

2. I want to read every night before I sleep. This decision didn't just come from nowhere. It has been a habit ever since I was in my secondaries. I read before I sleep. Reading makes me a little bit tired, and I will sleep better too sometimes. I really hope I can do this. =D

3. I want to lose weight, and become slimmer. YESH, I have put on weight, and there are many kinds of clothes I can't wear although I like them very much. =(

4. I want to travel with my family again when possible. I know mum and dad miss travelling a great deal but we don't get to do so.. It doesn't have to be overseas, just a one-day trip to Cameron Highlands would do. =)

5. I want to have a whole day to relax my mind. But I understand I must help as much as I can. So the only time I can really put down my fear, is at night, before I sleep. Somehow putting down the armor is also very frightening, I will suddenly feel helpless. ><

6. I want to try to accomplish my assignments earlier before the deadline. Yes I usually finish them at the day before the deadline, but I always make people unhappy when I didn't finish it earlier. I'm going to work harder on this next semester.

7. I want to see dear, I really hope I can see him soon. Haih. The only thing I can do now is wait though.. 

Blog Challenge - Day 8

DAY EIGHT - 8 THINGS I'M KNOWN FOR

NOW THIS POST IS GONNA CRACK MY HEAD LIKE ANYTHING.

I emo.

I'm lazy.

I love food.

I'm talkative. 

I watch anime.

I speak English.

I'm very annoying.

I do things at the last minute.

I can only think of these for the moment.

I know I have more bad points to elaborate on. 

Orz.

Just Realised..

I've just realised something.. It's not that I don't have anyone to talk to online.. It's just that I don't have the time and chance to chat online during the day that much.. When I'm at home, anything can pop up suddenly and I have to leave lappy to work.. I cannot afford to sit down in front of lappy all day.. I always work and stay for a while online and work again. Or I might be doing stuff and at the same time play Cityville once in a while.. Just realised this when I was watching 'Secret Garden' while cutting holes for mum's take-way boxes. Miss dear. Haih.

It's raining heavily again.. I really hope that mum's business will be fine.. If not things will get worse if we can't settle things today..

Blog Challenge - Day 7

DAY SEVEN - 9 THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

1. Being able to wake up without rushing anything or things to worry about. It is really blissful to wake up with a smile every morning. I like the calm feeling when I open my eyes without worries.

2. Seeing my parents laughing and smiling. I haven't heard them laughing out from their hearts for ages.. They've been under stress for weeks due to many problems.. I do hope everything will be over soon.. I really do..

3. Going out for dates with dear. It is true that hanging out with your loved one will you make smile easily. His companionship can just make me smile from the inside easily. Even if the dates' routine are the same, and we have limited places to go, I'm happy to be with him. 

4. Having a person to talk to when I need so. It is just so pathetic to have to keep everything inside when we all know those unhappy stuff have to be spat out.

5. Have a good night's rest. Sleep is one important thing that determines the mood of the day. In my opinion, one will get very tired and frustrated easily without enough rest.

6. Ice desserts. XP Cold sugar make me feel better a lot. It'll be EVEN better if someone is there to share the happiness with me.

7. Sense of accomplishment. It can be anything. For examples, completing an assignment, finish washing my clothes, cleaning and tidying up my room or even being able to make people happy.

8. Good food. As in good quality food. XD I like the sandwiches I make, but I just cannot take them continuously for every meal. Not only that I'd get bored, I might even get sandwich phobia. A decent meal per day is sufficient. XD

9. Good night calls and morning calls from dear. Well yea they really do help. Especially when we can't see each other.. Sometimes when we're unable to chat during the day, these calls are very very important to me. ><

I can see that a lot are related to sleeping. XD I know there are more, but I can't think of anymore for the moment.

Blog Challenge - Day 6

DAY SIX - 10 THINGS I DO WHEN I'M BORED

Hahahaha erm, this challenge shouldn't be that hard when compared to the last few day's maybe? *starts brainstorming*

1. FACEBOOK! XD It can be said that my Facebook is on for the whole day but I only appear online when I'm able to be there all the time. If I'm busy or away from lappy, I'll appear offline. If I'm sleeping or studying downstairs (I hereby refer to the house in Ipoh), I might just switch it off. XP

2. Blog. Yesh I blog. Especially when I'm bored, sad or angry. I understand that my blog has a lot of negative and unhappy posts of rants. It just happened to be that sometimes I just can't find someone to tell about those unhappy stuff so I thought I might just blog about it and leave everything there. Most of the times I feel better that way. Sorry for the eyesore. ><

3. Play Cityville. Quite similar to the first point, my Cityville is almost open for the whole day too. But I close it sometimes when I'm out of energy. XP

4. Twitter. I will think of a way to tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet and tweet. XP I like to read the tweets of OhTeenQuotes. They're pretty good, just so you know. ;)

5. Filter my emails. I now have 1635 emails in my inbox. I have already filtered and deleted 1000 but look there's so much more. @@ I keep some mails that I find meaningful, that's why I don't delete everything I see. Of course I delete all Facebook mails, or else they'll be spamming my inbox. XP

6. Read books. That is why I keep a few novels in the room. XD I sometimes read before I sleep. It gives me a calm feeling and it will be easier for me to sleep after that. It is not good to strain our eyes before we sleep too. =)

7. Watch movies, dramas or animes. I have so manyyyyyyyyy. But I haven't have time to finish everything hahaha. Well at least that means I will have something to watch when I badly want to. XD

8. Listen to songs. I also have tonnes of songs that I have NOT even listened to hahaha. When I have the mood, I will listen to them one by one and delete those I don't like. Whereas to those I favour a lot, I might even learn how to sing to bust them at K-Box. XD

9. Sleep. Yea when I really don't know to do and I'm really really tired already, why not just hug my pillows tightly and rest my head off? XD

10. And the most definite thing I'd do of all, FIND DEAR. XD

It wasn't that hard after all. XD

My Can Glasses !!! =D

LOOK AT THIS !!!

MY HARD WORK OF SIX WEEKS !!!

I hereby would like to express my greatest gratitude to
My beloved deardear and family.

Deardear kinda 'suffered' throughout the first five weeks.
He ate the first meal for me.
He also had to accompany me for four weeks.

Mum and Dad also let me have the last cup in Penang.
We finally had a very simple meal of McD lunch at home together.

♥  MY CAN GLASSES ♥

Food Fair - Missed

My family and I intended to attend the Food Fair at PISA (Penang International Sports Arena) this year.. But our schedule were delayed.. When we got there, the stalls are closed. =( Dad said we might be able to go there again tomorrow though. I really hope I can go there again. There's this International Chocolate Fair.. And one more thing.. 

LOOK AT WHAT I'VE MISSED !!! TT^TT

Blog Challenge - Day 5

DAY FIVE - 11 SIGNS I'M NOT INTO SOMEONE

Ahhhh..   This is just the exact opposite of yesterday's post. Think think think think..

1. I filter my words when I talk to him. Our conversation will be pretty much normal, like normal friends. Unless I dislike this person a lot, I will look out for my words and prevent myself from hurting people's feelings. It's kinda like a simple way of showing respect. Of course that doesn't mean I don't respect people I'm close with lah. XP

2. Most probably I won't let him know about my unhappy moments. I mean like, maybe I'll less share my personal problems. Unless he's a good friend, and I trust him enough. =)

3. I don't smile without reasons when I think of him. I will smile even at a photo, a text message, or even when I suddenly think of a moment with that special him.

4. I treat every guy the same way. As I came from an all-female secondary school, I didn't really know how to interact with guys. So when I came to Ipoh, I started to learn how to hang out with guys. If I wasn't into somebody, I would've treated everyone the same way.

5. I would have spent most of my day doing nothing or loafing on the internet. I wouldn't know what to do, or I might even take out my books and start studying. Orz. If I'm into somebody I think I would have a lot of 'homework' to do hahaha.

6. Just books, food, the internet or a simple chat with a friend is enough for me. If that special person exists, I will most probably think of him easily whenever I see something related to him.

7. I will appear online on MSN, Facebook and Twitter all day long. I have this weird habit - Although I seldom really chat with anyone, when I feel lonely, I appear online whole day, just looking at people getting online and offline. ><

8. It would always be very nice to gossip about ANY guy during girl talks. XD On the other hand, if I have someone in mind, I will feel embarrassed to gossip the person I like in front of others. XP

9. Any phone calls or text messages are formal or normal. If they're not urgent, I might even return the calls or messages an hour later.

10. I'll reconsider or hesitate dates or outings. I will make sure I have other female friends with me if so. A bunch of friends hanging out together will be fine and I'll feel secure. XP

11. I might tell him in person. ><

Blog Challenge - Day 4

DAY FOUR - 12 SIGNS I'M INTO SOMEONE

I was enjoying myself, chatting with dear super happily last night that I almost forgot about Day Four. XD I remembered it around 12am, then I thought as long as I complete it within today it'll be fine. Mum's worker is back to work so I'm staying at home today. Today's topic is like a reminder of the times I was having a crush on dear. XP

1. Erm, I always look around to see where is he whenever I know he's nearby. XD I kept hoping that I can see him, be somewhere near him.. 

2. I find chances to let him talk to me. This is because I was erm, kinda shy to find him. So I might as well provide chances? XD

3. I start googling about his interests. Like his favourite singers, songs, activities.. I'll spend time to understand the things he like and I might even start to include them in my own interests.

4. I stress on my appearance a great deal when he's around. I always hope that I can leave a nice impression. This changed though. XD 

5. I feel a little bit weird, nervous and a little bit tinglish on the inside when I mention his name. I don't know why but I sometimes even feel shy when I mention his name back then. XD

6. I am afraid of touching him. XD It's weird, like if I touched him accidentally, I might get panic slightly. On the other hand, if I accidentally touched other guys, I'll just apologise naturally. This changed too after we got together. XP

7. When I like someone, I don't feel like deleting his messages. I'll most probably keep them, especially those filled with concern. Hee.

8. I won't answer his calls immediately. I will stare and stare and stare. I don't know what to answer immediately. Obviously nervous. ==

9. Although I like him, I don't feel like amplifying his good points. I even went to dig out his weak points on purpose. I want to understand him, and not like him blindly.

10. I visit his Facebook profile every single day. Just wanted to know how was he doing. ><

11. I blush easily, and I can't stop smiling when I'm near him. I feel happy to be around him. Maybe it's due to his nice sense of humour. But somehow he's good at mingling around girls. -shakes head-

12. Ohya, I will also help him in whatever ways I can, and I'll try to do my very best to help him in any possible way. I don't mind feeling tired, and I even enjoyed myself throughout the whole thing. Hee.

Sheesh I feel kinda embarrassed hehehe. ><

Blog Challenge - Day 3

DAY THREE - 13 WAYS I BREAK THE ICE

1. If the situation happens to be like I have people sitting beside me, I will first nod and smile. That curve on your lips is an international language. Remember that. And SMILES ARE FREE. =D

2. Usually I will pluck up the courage to say HI. The first step is always the hardest. Once you've opened your mouth, I guess the rest will come naturally. =)

3. Being polite is one important thing. Who would like to talk to a fierce or ill-mannered person? 

4. I will try to prompt general questions if I want to start a conversation. Asking something that I'm sure that the other party will be able to answer will make me feel... safe. ==

5. Now, to ask questions that lead the other party to continue talking. Since I'm willing to break the ice, it means I'll have the means to 'warm up' the atmosphere. If I can, I guess I will try to ask questions that can lead the other person to elaborate more on his or her replies.

6. Discuss something that can attract others' attention. People tend to be more active in conversations regarding their interests. One point to remember. XD

7. GAMES. =D

8. GROUPWORK ACTIVITIES. =D =D

9. Other than questionings, I can always start off with a self introduction, to prevent the conversation to stop at the two 'HI's. ><

10. Presents exchange! This was something we did when I attended a party I don't even remember. I was still a kiddo. I guess no one hates presents? XD

11. Offering help can make people feel warm and welcomed on the inside. I will try to help when I can, and also when I have the guts. XP

12. Get a partner as soon as possible. When everyone gets a partner, the place will be filled with chit-chats and when everyone is in the chit-chat mood, I think the ice is broken? XD

13. Ahh.... Why think so hard, just get a hammer and slam it into the ice. Break the ice, literally. Hee.

__________________________________________________

I was curious what answers I'd get from Google. XD

(a) "Break the Ice" is a song by American singer Britney Spears from         her 5th studio album, Blackout.

(b) "Break the Ice"  is  Stratovarius's  third  single  released  in  1992         through Bluelight Records. 

(c) To start to get to know people, by avoiding awkwardness.

(d) To ease the initial restraint or  awkwardness  of  a  meeting  or  a      social gathering.

(e) When a player finally scores after not scoring on many possessions      or to make the first basket of the  game or  quarter or  to shoot  a      tie-breaker and beat the buzzer.