The Reminder

Just came back from Kulim. My gurranto (however it spells) held a house warming party. The trip might be tiring, but she helped us a lot so it could be considered a must. =) Jasmine's four already, and today's the first time I played with her. She used to run and hide behind her dad whenever she sees me. She played and squealed so excitedly, and she even let me hug her when I bid her goodbye...

Mum cried when we wanted to leave. It seems like every time I come home, it's to remind me: There's a reason, and also a goal to reach, for me to study in Ipoh. I must not fool around anymore. My parents are waiting for me to graduate and deep inside my heart, I am very sure that they are hoping that I'll be able to help them out. They've never told me anything, for I know they dont want me to worry about them. But still... I'm the kind of person that put my family and friends ahead. Worrying over my family's problems is getting more and more frequent, despite the fact that I'm studying in Ipoh and not facing everything that's happening at home.

A few of my classmates and I were playing what you call 真心话大冒险 a few nights ago. Of course, topics on relationships were mentioned and two seniors joined us too. A senior even brought up sensitive topics like prejudice between people and stuff. Orz. I was asked about considering looking out for a bf there or not. My answer was a maybe. To be frank, I did considered looking for one. Has always looked forward to one eversince I had my first crush. XD But now... I'm hesitating. Not only now, I felt that way eversince after SPM. Many things have happened and my ways of looking at things have definitely changed. I now treasure my family and friends more than anything else in the world. Sometimes even more than my studies. Yes, even my studies. And that's why my parents are getting worried too. I think I'm neglecting my studies. I'm having too much fun in Ipoh. I'm not working hard enough. My results are going downhill. I'm going to die out of shame soon.

I hate things that make me feel insecure. I dont like things that make me go panicky. These things will distract me from my studies. Now, my studies can be equivalent to my family. It represents a great deal. So it can be said that I'm actually studying for my family now. I have to work hard. There's nothing more I can do to help them, which sometimes makes me feel so useless that I actually headdesked...

I think, it's time for me to settle down. And also, to put some things aside...