Smiles Needed

I seem to face the same problem whenever I'm right in the middle of the assignment period.. I'm pushing myself to not do last minute work so I'm beginning  to start my research on my first assignment for the holidays.. I'm stuck and I get panicky very fast whenever it happens. So yea I'm stuck. == Dear said it's very easy but I don't know why I feel so confused looking at all the different materials and information I found on the internet.. I don't know where to start from.. 

I'm currently working on my Math 1's assignment and I'm stuck at the first part where I need to look for information on the several types of numeration systems. I found some info on the Egyptian numeration system but something ironic happened, I don't know how to arrange them.. I feel like asking for help but I don't have the courage to ask suddenly.. I suddenly remember the times back at BIG.. The loneliness I felt there.. It etched deep into my heart.. I just cannot forget it.. I kept reminding myself to take it as a challenge.. I will grow up after all these unhappiness.. I will learn how to let go of things easily.. I will stop whining and stop feeling sad whenever I face problems.. I will hold back the useless tears and hold my head up.. 

Had a short talk with Audrey a while ago.. It was really short but I felt comfortable.. I miss those heart-to-heart talks with somebody.. It's suffering to keep everything inside.. It's hard when I face problems and I can't find anyone to talk to.. I'm able to hold back my tears when I'm alone sometimes.. But whenever I open up my heart I might just end up crying it out.. Am I weaker when compared to the old me? I can't seem to hide my negative feelings that much anymore.. If I can hide them well.. I might affect others less.. I like to see people smile around me.. I feel happy when they're happy.. Whatever my feelings are, they're not important.. Coz whether I'm happy or not, when I see the smiles on my loved ones' faces, I smile naturally.. =)

I hope I can see smiles now.. I need them.. ><