异常非常的舍不得

对不起啦，还来不及列出我在2012年为自己所设下的目标，就跳出了这篇程咬金了。

我找不到地方发泄，只好三更半夜从床上爬起来上网写博。明天就要搭巴士回怡保了，我现在感到非常非常的难受。我好不舍得家里，很不舍得父母，不舍得勇勇。虽然有时在家里会因为某些原因而感到很压力，但我真的是开始想家了。我的眼泪就一直流一直流，根本就停不下来。我也不知道为什么今晚会是那么的情绪化，但我真的无法停止哭泣..

曾经有个朋友劝我别常常在这里搞EMO，要乐观点，我也答应了。但今晚的情绪真的很低落。我不是没有努力。我一直不停地告诉自己，新的学期到了，要振作并积极面对挑战，毕竟课业和许多外来压力一定会一波一波的向我卷来。除此之外，在多两个星期就可以放假回家了。忍忍一下，没什么大不了。

但我还是很情绪化。

所以我选择大哭一场。哭完了就要好好睡觉、休息。明天开始准备面对即将来临的挑战。不过我知道明天上了巴士后，我还是会泪满眶盈。希望我会碍于要面子而忍住不哭啦。再来这里发泄之前，为了让自己冷静那么一些些，我还到FB那里逛了两圈。就看到了原来不只是我一个人在哭着想家。

“大哭一场，只为了证明我对家乡的不舍！离开国土，确实像那‘暂时’失根的兰花！”

虽然我是不太明白学妹的后一句啦，只是觉得我们的心情在此刻非常的相像。

总之我想在就很想放纵自己啦。还没离开就已经这么的不舍得了.. 真的很舍不得家里..

WOMG 考试成绩 ?!

晚餐后，看到我班涂鸦墙上多了一个链接，就很兴奋地跑去开来看。怎知被吓得立刻喊了出来，老爸老妈还很紧张得问我发生了什么事。

其实也没什么，只是我们的考试成绩好像出炉了。@@

我用“好像”，是因为听说其他州属的学员可以开始检查自己的考试成绩了，但我们怡保师范学院还不能。从看到链接的那一刻到现在肚子都还在绞痛着。

老实说，我宁愿把责任推到下午吃的那一包椰浆饭，也不会接受我竟然又紧张的这个原因。(=3=)

稿纸上 • 那点墨

失眠 —— 失眠是睡眠障碍中最常见的病症。失眠指的入睡困难、睡眠中间易醒及早醒睡眠质量低下、睡眠时间明显减少，有严重的患者还彻夜不眠。长期失眠易引起心烦易乱、疲乏无力，甚至以头痛、多梦、多汗、记忆力减退，还可引起一系列临床症状，并诱发一些心身性疾病。

最近我的失眠问题又出现了。虽然并不至于整夜完全睡不着，但辗转难眠已经足以让我感到越来越无力。昨晚是几个月以来失眠得最糟糕的一晚：凌晨四点半。又或是五点，我也不清楚了。只记得房间里已经很暗很暗，我甚至无聊地用手在脸前乱晃了几下，验证“伸手不见五指”这句话，得到的结论也证实了我的房间真的很暗了。在那么黑暗的情况下，我竟然还是睡不着。

昨晚在难熬的朦胧当中，我想起了小学时的一段回忆。一段不开心的回忆。UPSR考完了，校方也安排了一些有趣的活动给我们，以免学生来到了学校还无所事事。那天，老师要我们分成几个小组，用一些小材料建小木屋。班上其他四十五个同学都已经分好了，独留我还在寻找。我寻找的不是组员，而是肯收留我的组合。那时老师看着我，我相信她看到了我求救的眼神，但从她口中说出的那句话却让我顿时觉得好冷。

“你去问问看哪一组还少人的。”

我硬着头皮去每一组，逐一地问：“你们还少人吗？”不用想也可以猜到，每组的回答的让我快要窒息。就连所谓的好姐妹都一样。那时除了不解，也很痛。最后老师吩咐我到其中一组，但那并没有让我感到好一些。因为从头到尾，我除了手握住那多余的一瓶浆糊，我连最小块的冰淇淋棒都没碰到，更别提参与那建筑小工程。

躺在床上，我没哭，真的。我反而在想，一件发生在那么多年前的小事也可以无意识地被埋在心的某一个角落，至今还能记得那么清楚，为什么？现在想起来，这条小伤疤都可以跟着我那么多年，那其他小孩呢？是不是也会有某个阴影，一直都在追随着自己？

突然觉得，小孩的学习生涯犹如一张稿纸。纸上已经画好了规律的格子与线条，字字句句至少有了条轨道，没那么容易偏离。然而，写字时的疏忽也扮演着很重要的角色。你不会知道，一个多余笔画，或一没留意就留下的一滴墨，会一直留在那里，永不退散。它在那小孩的未来里，可以是一个骄傲的笔画，也可以是个难忘的错误。就像我的那块记忆碎片。

三年后的我，原来就是扮演着那么重要的角色。也许刚刚那句话会显得有些自恋，但我希望以后的我，不会在那些未来的稿纸上留下这般令人心寒的回忆..

This 'BLOCK' Business

I felt like I've been slapped at the face. TWICE. How could I let this happen to myself again? Orz.

That feeling when you're added by someone, and then 'unfriend'ed by the same person just because you said something he doesn't like. Okay I guess I can understand that. I will NEVER add or approve this person's friend request again. 

That feeling when you're invited by someone, and then blocked. I can't find that exact word to describe this feeling. Depressed? Offended? I don't know. I'll refer this person as C. C is a nice friend and we do talk sometimes but not all the time. So I don't feel like revealing his/her identity as I think C might be reading this. 

Sometimes I don't understand the reason behind certain blocks. I do believe in application or game blocks as the non-stop incoming game requests can really spam your notifications annoyingly. That's why I don't send requests to people whom I know they don't play that game. Or even hate that game. To end up being blocked or deleted by someone is just so.. Sad.

So my perspective of this 'block' business is that you don't have to block a person unless this person has offended you in any ways. If you don't want a certain person to see your personal (so called personal but visible those who you allow to see) stuff, you shouldn't add or invite that person in the first place. 

Unless you hate that person for no reason. :(

Bead Bracelet

I was so happy with last night's pendant that I thought I'd try another kind of bead craft. This time I tried with a bracelet that mum likes very much. I like the colour coz it's casual and I dress casually most of the time. XD The only dissatisfaction is the hook. I'm going to change the hook of the bracelet when I find the suitable one. 

This took a longer time than the star pendant. Phew.

Star Pendant

We haven't transferred Streamyx to our new house. So dad uses my lappy every night to get online. Usually I get bored because I'm too used to facing lappy almost all the time. But today, I dug out my beads accessories, and I started to make a star pendant! 

I still have my basics! Not bad at all. XD

The Last Paper!

Although I'm sitting for my last paper today, I just loafed around online last night. Even "Bakemonogatari" (an anime on ghost stories, more like oddities) is left with one episode. I woke up some time around 8am and I've been calculating how much time I have left.

OH WELL. XD

Okok, I know I shouldn't. XD Anyway, I'm cooking my lunch later before going to school. It'll take me at least an hour including the time to eat and wash up.. I have around two to three hours left. @@

IT'S THE LAST ONE, I'M GOING FOR IT !!! =D

First Defrost

I didn't mean to disappear after I came back to Ipoh. I can still recall everything I did pretty clearly. Coz there wasn't much other than preparing a big surprise for him. XP

Yep I was literally busy with the preparation, and after that I carried on with my revision for my semester exams. I'll start things chronologically. I start preparing for this ''surprise'' (shows the XD face) ever since the Deepavali break. I only got busy in Ipoh for his birthday card. I upgraded it to a booklet so it took me a few days, almost a week. Remember I said that I don't have artistic genes as my brothers inherited everything from my mother and left me none? It kinda surprised me that I actually produced something which can relate to the word 'creative'. Well erm, it's colourful! *slapped* I inserted some new ideas like photos and decos. I wanted to take photos of it but I didn't get to. I might upload it if I get to. =D Dear's surprise was literally a surprise that made him jump! I had a plan with his friend with his hometown buddy and he brought along his girlfriend to surprise dear with a birthday cake.  I... think I'll save the rest. XDDDD

Early 11.00am this morning, tired and hungry, I FINALLY FINISHED MY MAJOR PAPERS. I have four subjects in all, and there is only one left, which is my PE paper. The worsts are over and now I'm left with this shrimp. Or maybe I shouldn't underestimate it, just in case. XP Everything was quite okay, and with okay I mean it's as hard or challenging or easy or satisfying as expected. For example, I couldn't even finish my paper in time today and I still think it's okay. Coz it's within expectations. So yea I'm talking crap again. 

I'd better go off and take my bath now. XP

Pre-Defroze

After all the hectic stuff happening recently, I think I need to release stress with a healthy way. I will hold back and try my best to not emo much. I choose to write as I think writing is a good way to neutralize the negative feelings. I just can't wait to go back to Ipoh tomorrow. I have many many plans in my head. =D

I'M GOING TO DEFROZE BLOGGY ONCE I'M BACK IN IPOH.

解药

我知道那个解药不会是我..